May has been sort of tough. I started last week dreading the week. Dreading doing the same thing over and over day in and day out. After a day of feeling particularly down, I realized my poor attitude and dread was stemming from something different. I’ve been thinking a lot about all the things that should have happened in May, but aren’t.
For instance, this week alone should have been Audrey’s last week of school and her end of the year program. We should have dance rehearsal and recital this week, one of the most anticipated events of the year (at least for me). We should be attending our niece Bailey’s first birthday party this weekend, but instead we’ll have to watch her eat a cupcake via Zoom and send her gifts through the mail.
We’re missing out on Field Day and all the end of the year parties at Raley’s school (which I know she would have LOVED), the excitement of summer break being upon us and all the things we’ll get to do.
We’re missing out on visiting family in Philadelphia and going to some Phillies games, the most anticipated being a ceremony honoring the late Roy Halladay (David’s favorite player) and the retirement of his number.
One silver lining is that Mother’s Day still happened very much like it would have any other year. We spent a special day together, just the four of us, and David and the girls made me feel very appreciated and loved, which definitely lifted my spirits.
I told some friends the other day that it feels like we are living in a parallel universe. Like somehow we slipped through a wormhole and ended up in this horrible alternate dimension.
We should be doing all of these fun things during May, but now our calendar is completely wiped clean. I try to just focus on our current situation and make the most of it, but my planner is a constant reminder of all the things that won’t be happening during what should be one of the busiest, but most fun months of the year.
The excitement for summer break is completely stripped away. It just feels like it will be more of the same. I’m hoping that some places will start opening so we can get out of the house, but will we have to continue to wear masks everywhere we go?
When I see the masks in public it makes me so sad. I hate only being able to see people’s eyes, and not their expressions and their smiles. I’m fearful that teachers will be wearing masks at school next year, which makes me sad for our kids. That is, if schools open next year (fingers crossed they do!)
I understand the reason for staying home, and I’m not complaining about the shelter in place order or advocating that any sort of freedoms have been taken from us. I believe that our leaders are doing the best that they can in uncharted, never before experienced waters. As much as I long for the things that we’re missing out on, I understand it’s for the best. I just wish it weren’t happening at all.
I can also see the good that can come from this, and for that I’m thankful. I have already noticed a change in my children’s behavior. Raley was having some issues with emotional outbursts, talking back, and whining around the time that they got out of school. This has greatly improved over the past several weeks. The girls are getting along much better than they used to. They used to fight and argue very frequently, but I can tell that their bond has grown. It’s pretty adorable to watch their imagination run wild through the things they come up with to play together.
During this time we’ve been able to be more present, to instruct in a more constructive way when they do something wrong. It’s not lost on us that this is a crucial time for our families We can take this time to hone in on those traits and values that will shape them as humans. To instill in them what they need to be good Christians some day.
May has got me in a bit of a funk. Thinking about all the things that should be happening sort of leaves me in a weird place. Like I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel right now. But I know that God has got this under control. I also know that He is our refuge and strength and He will see us through this. I’m trying to focus more on these facts and let go of the other frustrations and worries.
Thanks for sticking with me through this major brain dump. Can you relate to any of these feelings? What are you doing to help you cope when the days are hard?